22 saal me grey hair aur 48 marks! UPSC prep ya barbaadi? Koi hai mere jaisa?

Rajinder Nagar ki library se abhi wapas aayi hu. 11 ghante padha par kuch yaad nahi raha. Kal mock diya tha, result aaj aaya - 48 marks. 5 mahine me bhi 60 cross nahi kiya. Ghar pe phone kiya toh amma bolti "beta thoda aur mehnat karo, baaki sab kar rahe hain." Unko pata nahi main roz 3-4 ghante so rahi hu, baal jhad rahe hain aur mirror me apna face dekhna pasand nahi karta.

Aaj subah uthi toh ek aur grey hair mila. 22 ki umar me ye sab. Kisi ko bata nahi sakti ki dar lagta hai - failure ka, society ka, apne aap se disappointed hone ka. Koi dost nahi hai yahan, sab strangers hai jo same race me daud rahe hain.

Ek doston ne suggest kiya therapy le lo. Par papa ka pension kya therapy afford karega? 300-500 session ka, aur wo bhi hafte me ek baar? Sochti hu, kya ye sab worth it hai? Ya main bas apne aap ko barbaad kar rahi hu.

Koi hai jo same situation me ho? Kya karte ho aap jab depression zyada ho jaye? Daily routine me thoda breathing exercise try kiya par 2 min baad hi sochne lagti hu ki backlog ka kya hoga. Please koi genuine suggestion do.