1 month hospital, ab ghar pe hoon – kya brain kabhi happy hoga? Ya permanently broken ho gaya?

yaar... 1 month hospital mein tha. ab ghar pe hu. parents ko sab pata hai, unka face dekhna bhi mushkil ho raha hai. shame bohot hai. therapy start ki hai, psychiatrist ne medicines bhi di hain. lekin ek sawaal hai jo mujhe raat ko neend nahi aane deta...

will my brain ever feel happy again? seriously. abhi toh bas blankness hai. kuch feel nahi hota. din mein 2-3 baar ro leta hu. kabhi kabhi toh sochta hu ki yeh sab kuch fake hai? ki main pretend kar raha hu? lekin therapy sessions mein therapist ne kaha ki recovery slow hai. but i want to feel something real. ek baar toh hasi aayi thi jab dost ne joke maara, lekin woh bhi 2 second mein chala gaya.

parents ke saath dinner table par baithna torture hai. woh polite baat karte hain, lekin unki aankhon mein guilt aur shame dekh leta hu. i feel like i broke them. ab therapy mein family sessions bhi suggest kiye hain, but i am scared.

kya kisi ko yeh feeling aayi hai? ki aapko lagta hai aap permanently broken ho? ki kuch bhi help nahi karega? please batao... kya yeh darkness kabhi khatam hoti hai? ya bas manage karna seekhna padta hai?